The Girl has long accused her phone of spying on her. Above and beyond using her search history to give relevant ads. She talks to friends (in person, the phone is present but not involved) about her wedding or her pregnancy or baby milestones or whatever, and suddenly Pinterest is giving The Girl suggestions relevant to that conversation about someone else’s event. She was going nuts when two friends got married, one right after the other, and Pinterest was giving her non-stop wedding hacks and floofy white dresses. As if they couldn’t tell by her pinned fashion interests that floofy isn’t her style. She didn’t mind the wedding cakes so much. Then she got months of baby clothes and care tips and crafts and whatnot. The Girl is currently hard-core on the idea of not having kids, not her own anyway, she’s decided to give the kid a break and not pass on her genes or her boyfriend’s. I have to admit it’s a responsible decision.
I have kind of noticed similar antics concerning my news feed from Google, but they miss often enough and wildly enough that I can’t absolutely say they’re picking up tips from activating my phone’s microphone. YouTube is totally spying however and they couldn’t do it without Google’s help.
First YouTube started having weird dramas trying to keep Greskrendtregk’s interests separate from mine. We each have our own account and don’t follow any of the same channels on YouTube, so I wouldn’t have thought that’d be difficult. Seriously, I don’t watch his YouTube and he doesn’t watch mine. Except for a few historical or “wow, that was weird” clips that we save to our own lists and show the other later. There’s no reason for the suggestions or lists to have any crossover, yet they sometimes do. We don’t usually even share devices, so I’m really confused about this. Or I’d like to be.
Now YouTube has figured out (with Google’s help I’m sure) that one of my neighbors also watches YouTube videos. This is the neighbor formerly named Mr. Patient because he tolerates an amazing number of teens and young adults traipsing through his house and cooks individually for all of them. Mr. Patient and I text occasionally. He actually mostly texts with my husband, but they don’t share common YouTube interests. I, however, share his passion for gardening and cooking shows in general, although not the same cooking shows. We do share gardening channels.
Here’s how this revelation played out: On Thursday a new suggestion popped up on my YouTube home page. It was for making dandelion jelly. I had never heard of this channel before, the video is a year old, and eating weeds isn’t something I ever expressed interest in. I like cooking shows, but I don’t experiment that much. Mr. Patient does experiment. This is exactly the type of thing he watches and I initially made a mental note to mention it to him.
On Sunday he gave us a jar of dandelion jelly that he made a couple days previously. No, I hadn’t mentioned the idea to him. He came over to our backyard Friday when we were out handling Gres’ family dramas (more on that another time) and picked our dandelions. He knows we don’t spray our yard, it’s bad for the bees. The bees we no longer have. Our dandelions are also free from dog-related contamination. Then he mowed as a thank you for the harvest and stole the lawn clippings for mulch. This is not an unusual habit. Sometimes he wants our lawn clippings and he’s happy to mow to get them. We’re happy to let him have them.
Anyway, the sequence of events and knowing my neighbor as we do led The Girl and I to deduce Google is spying on us via contacts list/texting/and YouTube. He watched the video and since we share enough in common and live nearby they suggested it to me.
I’m so relieved I’m not using Blogger anymore. I hesitate to think what Google harvested from those early posts.
Now to the more shocking news: dandelion jelly isn’t bad. I’ll probably put it on The Boy’s PB&J this week without telling him and see how that goes. I will definitely take it over to share with my mother-in-law, something you will understand after I get around to writing about Gres’ family dramas.
I’m fairly certain Gres’ family doesn’t know I blog; reading and writing blogs isn’t a big thing with them. One niece blogged briefly about her first pregnancy, then used it as a way to show off baby pictures for a few months; but she gave it up and reverted to email. No one Facebooks either. Some of the girls are Instagram users, but that’s really it. I may be the only one to have a Twitter account and I’m honestly not clear why I do. My kids keep telling me to get off Twitter, it’s a snakepit. It is. Then again, I like snakes.
I’ll quit Twitter when The Girl gives up Pinterest. They’re spying on her you know. Come to think of it, I have a Pinterest account. I wonder if the suggestions are filled with dandelion-inspired recipes and crafts now. I’m afraid to look.
Tori Brooks 